Football had crashed as far as I was concerned. I guess it was my fault not thinking things through. Thinking anyone would go into Varsity as the starting ¼ back as a Sophomore, well—pretty stupid, huh ? It didn't help the hurt though. I took solace in beer, weed, and the basement. I ignored my lil bro, Dustin most of the time now.I changed my look after that first day of practice—having spent the night at 'the spot', and later picking up some cowboy boots, mostly ditching the jock/sk8tr boy look. The next day I shaved the mohawk—fuck, I was the last one still sporting one. It troubled me to think of what Mark Mattox had said, that it was all about me. I certainly didn't mean that. For me it was always the team. Or, at least that's what I kept telling myself. I guess the cowboy look was so typical for Texas, it went mostly unnoticed. When in the locker room I started wearing sweats a lot, since according to my friends my big dick, and hairy ass was offensive to some, cause I. But when Daddy told her what he wantedto do, she agreed to help him.Maybe she could see her two-timing husband in me too, and like Daddy, shewanted to wipe away that image. Or maybe she just did not like boys.She always said so.Of course, Rachel had known my mother. She said that I looked nothinglike her, even when she had me wearing her clothes, as I had to, everyday after school. That was the first thing that she and Daddy had me do.And they had me grow out my hair. And they gave me drugs, and made sureI took them. Both of them did not want me to look like Steve Hadfield,or to grow up to be anything like him.Both my brothers participated too. It turned out that they never reallythought that I was their brother. They were fair like Daddy and to alesser extent, my mother, where I was dark like Steve. I was really anoutsider in my own home. I was close to my mother before she died, andit was after her death that I needed Daddy's love more than ever. And Igot it, by being.
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