She had fallen through a rift in timecaused by the accident and had found herself trapped in the same timeframe as the captain. Seeing the two of them were trapped, they spentthirty years living as man and wife before they finally found a way toundo the damage using time isolating armbands they had created. It was aheart-breaking ending, as they both knew that once time had been fixed,she would never have existed. All that would be left would be hismemories of a time that never was.The point being, at the time, I found the mature future version of theensign to be so pretty. In fact, to be honest, I think that the episodemight have been what awakened one of my fetishes. For that to make sense,one needed to understand that in the years that followed, I would findmyself greatly enjoying fictional stories about men and women who werebecame older woman. As the years went by, I even started to experiment. Istarted to dress as, and to teach myself how to behave as if I was anolder woman.. Perhaps some rest before my talk with Howard would help settle my mind.As I lay in bed that morning, I thought about what I must do. I must convince Howard that I have given up any idea of an affair. I must make him believe that I am his exclusively and that my request the other night was nothing more than the ravings of a menopausal woman. Surely he could believe that was possible. I had stopped taking hormone replacement therapy after the health scares. Perhaps I could blame it on that.I told Ginny about my confrontation with Howard. She scolded me for being so careless. She knew of my desire to take a lover. She does not approve. She warned me that Howard would never accept it. She can't understand why I would want to cheat on him. She sees him as the perfect husband. She's right of course. He is perfect. Too perfect.Why am I so hell-bent on self-destruction? Why do I think I can have my wonderful husband and another man on the side? I don't understand myself. It's not like I.
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