But it's taken a long time to get there.Our honeymoon was a beginning. As soon as we were in our hotel room, Steve got the hot tub going and I knew then that I was destined to be naked with him in just a few minutes. He did agree that I could go into the bathroom and come back out in a robe to get in the water. Yes, I was that bad.I had asked him to go ahead and get into the water hoping to put off the eventual viewing of his penis which I knew would be swollen but he fooled me and was standing there next to the tub when I came out in my robe. And there it was, standing straight out from him like it was greeting me; perhaps it was.Well, that began my long, slow loosening-up process.I did, after our hot tub, ask him to do oral on me, it was such a revelation, such a fantastic experience the first time, that I quickly overcame any reticence in asking him for more of it. It became a regular thing that I hungered for now and, during our honeymoon, had from him three or four times each. It was none too soon, because I was having trouble walking by then.What the fuck is wrong with me?Well, I knew, of course. How could I not, when even Carmen was in my head now, calling to me, yelling at me? I’d been planning to follow Frej’s advice, but not this week. Certainly not tonight. But I couldn’t shake the feelings that were seeping out into my brain. Something had ruptured, and fear, shame, and regret were building up again, a mixture that was affecting my body directly. The antibiotics had likely worked their protection against the fatal bugs that may or may not have tried to invade me, but the drug had done nothing for the mortal memories that continued to proliferate.I tried to take some breaths, steadying myself ... But it wasn’t working.“Are you okay?” Heather asked, as she noticed my panic, perhaps mirroring her own struggles with similar feelings.“I’m just ... feeling a bit off.”“Getting sick?”I felt a twinge at the slight edge in her voice. “No, just ... off. My.
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