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I realized then I had made as big a dent in the wine as she, and it had lowered my inhibitions.“Your husband just accepts this situation of you having lovers?” I asked.“Most of the women of my age and class have had an affair or two. They are sleazy couplings without spiritual fulfillment, or liaisons that jeopardize their primary relationship and are immoral to my point of view. What Allen and I have is better. He knows where I am, and what I’m doing. He needn’t fear for us, and I needn’t fear for him.“Allen has been with other women. They have been brief relationships, and he admits merely sexual. I have felt jealous in the way that women do which I believe is more intense in the moment but doesn’t last becoming more a resentment if you let it. Men and women are different in what they want and need in a partner.”“What do you tell your children, your parents, or your friends.”“Children accept what they are taught. I don’t bring the sex with my lovers’ home although I do bring the. She stood up and wished she could have the entire night back, but this time to sleep in blissful ignorance. As much as she depended on her abilities, she wished she could wake up one morning not feeling so emotionally wrung-out.Or wondering what else she did not know about her own past.March 8th, 1976 - I live in mortal fear I will go mad before I can complete my work.I look back on the last six months and feel I have achieved little. I cannot hold off a determined effort to break into my mind. My vagina is still sore from the prolonged session of mind-controlled sex I was forced to endure yesterday when my defenses collapsed during a foolishly conceived test for which I was obviously not ready. I still cannot resist without the aggressor knowing I am resisting him.An inability to enter a proper meditative state or failing to generate and store the needed sexual energy is not at fault. Ever since my meditative muse and I became lovers, I have had no want of either teaching or loving.
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