Beauty For A Far Off Exotic Land

Doubt shadows in her eye for a second but she recovers quickly to say, ‘Okay. Totally. Better.’ Her smile is here but it is now sloping into that smile I see in her that accompanied the first silent dusk eons ago, signaling an unknown and unknowable darkness that I want to beat back from her and us in the worst way. ‘But that doesn’t mean fucking requires talking – as though the sensations themselves don’t do their own talking – you know I’m not saying that…?’ She furrows her brow, back from the abyss, back to work again. ‘Of course. I think I know exactly what you mean, Jill. But I don’t have a clue how to say it with words. And far be it from me to try right now.’ Jill says, ‘Maybe…maybe, we can just talk messy when we talk. Maybe. We don’t necessarily have to act as though we’re talking it to each other, or to anybody really. Just say messy words as they come up, hmmm? ‘We maybe just use messy words to wrap our potty mouths around while you are fucking me into island vacation. I pulled the curtain closed and started the shower, quickly adjusting the water from chilly to hot. I washed myself. I smelled the three different shampoos for a favorite. I conditioned my hair. I washed my vagina. I was still raw and sore from yesterday. I just stood under the shower for five minutes slowly making it hotter until I couldn't turn it up anymore. I washed and rinsed again. I rubbed my fingers over my bare lips. They tingled but I liked it. I liked being clean and shaved.I turned off the water. There were towels on the rack, yesterday's but I managed. There was a hairbrush on the sink and I sat on the toilet while I stroked out my hair. I flushed when I stood up and finally looked in the mirror. The fog was peeling away from the edges but my face was still obscured. I picked an elastic out from the medicine cabinet and pulled my hair into a loose ponytail. I wiped away the fog.I looked good. I looked fine. I let myself feel good. I pulled the bangs out from my ponytail.
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