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But now- oh, but now… he is free. Free from the lies, the deciet, the pain, the suffering. The beasts claws are gone from his back, the wounds slowly fading. And I’m free too. Free from the pain, the lies, the suffering, the broken promises… free from the thoughts that my dad doesn’t love me. He surely did. The beast was bigger than him. ‘Let your tears come. Let them water your soul.’ ~Eileen Mayhew The week between his death and his funeral was hard. I cried. Each time I cried, another sliver of my heart replaced itself. I was healing from the inside out. The day my mother and I went to do his hair, I was appalled at his appearance. He’d gotten more gray hair since the last time I’d seen him. He had no make up on yet, and he was under harsh white lights. His face was marked from the oxygen mask, and his mouth was drawn down to one side from the breathing tube. I gasped for air, feeling like someone punched me in the stomach. Seeing him, all I could say and think was, ‘Oh, Dad.’. Amid the rapidly running feet around me, only then did I realize that I had heard the snap, the thud and the splash a mere couple of seconds ago. I lay back on the ground. I smiled. They said I was in shock. Like hell I was. * Cleared of all charges. Not all that surprising but welcome nonetheless. Naturally some old hag, a distant relative, wanted the incident investigated. She had been so close to the man, she said, and the marriage was nothing but a charade. But her pleas were in vain. No, not in vain: So convincing was her made believe grief that she was put on anti-depressant and apparently she didn’t handle them too well. I even visited her once in the asylum. * The lawyer. Oh. My. God. The man is grey, dry, lacking any trace of a sense of humor and his tie was probably high fashion two decades ago. But I want to jump him right here, right now, that is the sex appeal of the envelope that is in his hand. The will. Did he just read my mind? Or did I speak out loud? Doesn’t that.
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