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She hadwaited on me before, but I didn't know her name. She had been very niceto me. At first she looked straight at me. Her careful look took in mypainted lips, but her kind, professional expression never wavered. Ithought of what you'd said once, that these cosmetics saleswomen were akind of prostitute, and I agreed again. When you began to speak, sheturned to face you. Released from her smile, I started to tremble.There was a slightly sick taste in my mouth, and the taste and feel ofthe paint on my lips. I wished I could freeze this moment in time, butthen I shuddered from the weight of it. Someone passed who knew me, butshe didn't notice. I was sweating a little. I was starting to leave theroom from the emotion.You showed her the lipstick you were wearing, All Day Parallel Red wasthe name, and then you turned clinically to me. "You see, it's too darkfor him," you said, putting it against my mouth and pressing hard thistime, "what he needs is what this looks like when I. It was about the only respect in which my behaviour could ever have been considered ‘girly’. I despised myself for it but couldn’t help myself.Of course I made sure I didn’t let anyone know how I felt, especially because Johnny didn’t seem to feel the same about me. Paying me compliments that broke my heart he would punch me in the ribs playfully and say things like:“I like being with you Robbie. It’s not like being with a girl at all. I can really be myself when I’m with you.”It was all I could do not to cry.Of course it was too much to hope that such a boy would remain without girlfriends throughout his schooldays and over the years I spent many evenings sulking in my room as he took one or other of my contemporaries out on a date. I had to run from at least two school parties when I saw him kissing another girl in the corner of the room or worse, outside in the darkness.Tomboy Robbie couldn’t be seen in tears, could she?When we were eighteen and I heard rumours that he had actually.
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