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So I went, slaloming in the aisles, controlling tickets, giving fines, getting insulted by a band of riffraff from the rough suburbs. After these joyful fifteen minutes, I entered the last car. It seemed empty, and I was going to turn back when I saw some movement in one of the seats, in the back.I walked down and recited this fucking phrase I repeated a thousand times a day. "Hello, ticket control, please." I was now in front of a fucking handsome young man, not more than twenty, blond, his face red as if I had just caught him in a shameful act. Some people were impressed by uniforms, even when it was only a train conductor before them. I was somewhat athletic, yes, but I didn't have a dangerous look. I think.“Tickets, please.” “I d-d-don’t have one.”Oh, yes, my lucky day. In less than five minutes I’m pounding you in the cabin, boy."You know you're supposed to come to see me just after the departure. I have to give you a fine."“B-But…”“But what? You were trying to hide here, don’t. Then it started to slowly rotate. The spin was about a horizontal axis, meaning that it looked sort of like a slow moving propeller attached to the backside of the animal. As the tail kept rotating faster and faster, I couldn’t see any reason for it to be doing so. The only thing that came to mind was that it might be using it to fan up some breeze for cooling the rather large, gray anus which was mounted immediately below. The rotational period of that whirling appendage finally leveled off at approximately 100 rpm, a gray blur. This is only a guess, of course, but I considered it quite a feat for an animal so large to get any portion of its anatomy up to a speed like that. As I moved closer for a better look, that huge anus unpuckered, opened, and there was a low whooshing noise as gas was expelled. At this point, it may be wise to point out that hippos are herbivores. As such, they have a very large percentage of bulk in their diet. This bulk consists of undigestible portions.
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