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It is your job to satisfy me by doing whatever I want." Rubbish," she replied, recklessly deciding that she was doomed anyway, and sufficiently relaxed by the alcohol on an empty stomach not to care, "I am not a possession; I am a human being." Oh, that I grant you, the human bit," replied the Emir, "and in England you would not be a possession, but here in Kobekistan you are just exactly that. Do you realise it is not possible here to murder a woman? Only men can be murdered; killing a woman is regarded as property damage. You see the laws of this land as laid down over the ages by countless Emirs do not, and never have, take any account of religion. Therefore the law has no concept of soul, as distinct from body, and even the Emir is indistinguishable from the lowliest rat in the desert, save only that a man can be the owner of things while he lives, which a rat cannot." What about conscience?" she asked."Shakespeare defined conscience best, I think, when he said, 'Conscience is. 'Now I don't know if you can believe this but all of the above is supposed to be about me and my award-winning Dear Cum column. Sorry, but did I tell you about my award? I felt it was about time I got one and seeing as no one else was rushing to give me one I created my own. Swept the board. So now I'm the proud recipient of eight 'Cummies'. Well, Janine and her excessively magnified green eye shadow really put a dampener on my week, so you'll have to excuse me if I'm not quite my usual cheery, good-humoured and affable self. And if someone doesn't pop around soon and take me out for a yummy expenses-paid light-luncheon at 'Pret a Manger' then I might have to hold my breath until I burst. So here we are again at that point in this weekly purgatory where we slip into a living hell because it's time for one of those pig-swill of words known as the letter. As if any of us gives a flying fuck. Dear Mrs Girl,I am writing to seek your advice on both a professional and personal matter..
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