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Tom got up and made a comment about too much beer and walked into the bathroom to relieve himself. When he cam out he was buck naked. I thought he would go for some boxers to wear but instead he just plunked down on the bed. ‘what? no boxers b*o? Going commando on me?’ I sort of jokingly asked. ‘why? I know I’m going to have to take a piss again in a few minutes so why not be ready?’ I sat and watched a bit more of the movie myself and tried to think of other things so my hard on would to down enough to let me piss. Finally I got up and went to the john myself. When i came out, I looked over at Tom and said ‘that’s probably a good idea’ and stripped off my suit too. We both watched the movie in silence and then i noticed he was playing with himself ever so slightly. A tug here, a re-position there all with a glance or two in my direction. He had to see that i was becoming hard without any touching, so I was definitely turned on. We started talking about the movie and he started to. I suppose affirming my conclusion; butit probably looks as if I'm searching myself for a concealed weapon.Although I purposely avoid the one place where something may well beconcealed. I don't want to know.Everything about me feels so grotesque and distorted. So wrong. I'mlarger, coarser, hairier even. It's such a disorientingunfamiliarity.Did I feel the same complete dissociation the near 18 months ago whenI travelled in the opposite direction? I couldn't recall. Iremembered the overwhelming sentiment then was fear for my life,followed by a despairing compulsion to end it to escape what I hadfound myself become. So perhaps I had. I guess now I was a littlemore familiar with the whole concept and less impulsively shocked, somy adjustment was not quite as dramatic.I do notice that the feel of the day has changed; it's later; mybrief glance towards the little window my office has tells me it'sdark outside. I wonder if we have in fact travelled back in time towhen everything all began.I.
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