She has beenloving and attentive since our vacation and I don't want anything tochange. She has shown me so many new wonderful feelings that I justwant to make her as happy, even if it means sharing her with other men.That day on the beach when Dani told me her fantasy about other men mademe feel insecure and jealous, however, when she explained that it wassomething she desired I wanted her to feel the way she made me feel as away of giving back the satisfaction she had given me. I understand nowthat she only wants that attention when I'm Oliva and living as hergirlfriend and somehow when I become Olivia it makes complete sense.She made me realize and learn that to truly understand how to think andfeel feminine. When I'm Olivia, I actually become female in my thoughtsand feelings and when I do I feel and become a different person.I realize that once I'm in dresses, heels, and makeup everythingchanges. I become much more relaxed and don't let anything bother me.I lose the desire. "You up for that?"I said nothing."I'm not a smoker anyway," Logan said. "Got no cigarettes here. You?"I shook my head."You must have scars from that," Logan said then. "Marks, whatever. Right?" Like I said, it's been a long time," I told him. "They've mostly faded. A couple of places, if you look closely, you can see the remains of a mark, but it's not disfiguring or anything. Not even obvious." I'd like to see," Logan said."Well, here I am," I said."Okay," Logan said. "Strip." Like this?" I turned slightly, to indicate my shackled wrists."Women do it in your stories," he said. "At least a couple of them, as I remember. In fact, their hands were tied with rope, right? So you have more freedom to operate here."I didn't remember that. I thought of Susan in "Susan's Secret," struggling to pull up her long evening gown for a wealthy stranger, with her wrists tightly bound at her back by the chauffeur who had delivered her. Was there another such scene? Oh god, probably, but it's always.
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