Her husband, her master. His face has the quality of a blurred photograph, yet she remembers his rough hands. His rough, calloused hands on her soft breast. She shudders. Feeling foolish she starts through the alphabet, trying to associate a name with each letter: Albert, Benjamin, Charles, Donald… It feels as if every last cell of her brain was driven into illness. Her lack of memory fills her with silent dread. Not my mind, Dear god not my mind! She tries to compose herself. Ernest, Frank… Letter by letter she continues to analyze the sounds and impressions. What is this? Dear god. Dear Jesus, sweet Jesus. George, Harold… She begins to suspect the answer is beyond her reach. She sends out fingers of desire, need, thought- tries to project them into her past, pull out something stable. The images seep through her fingers like fine sand peppered with doubt. Irving, Johnothan, Kenneth, Lyle… She has a deep envy of the living. She is tired of her half-existence. She is tired of being. I quickly spy Mr. Ken, and i walk fast, but not too fast, to where Hesits."Hi, sissy. Sit down. Cross your legs like a demure girl would. Your toesare so pretty. We wouldn't want to hide them, would we."i swallow with some difficulty. "No, Sir."He takes my bag. "What did we buy today, sissy whore?" A sundress, Sir. For Summer."He pulls it out and examines its fabric and the blue color earnestly."Quite attractive. I am coming by your place next Saturday. i want you towear it for Me. No panties, or bra, though. Let the breeze flow beneath." Yes, Sir."Mr. Ken folds the dress back up and slides it into the bag and stands up."C'mon, sissy. Let's visit My car before you go."Oh, what fresh Hell is this?!His car sits all the way across the Mall parking lot, near the Interstate.The asphalt is warm beneath my bare feet, but not searing as it will be inthe summertime heat. i hear the car beep twice, and He tells me to get inthe back seat. i go to the passenger side of the car and do as told..
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