The hair where I need it is missing.I need to put makeup and look pretty, not like someone whois trying to pass. And if I try to pass I might get beat upby someone who believes he is a ?real? man. Or I might justbe lucky enough just to get a snide remark. I need to bewith woman as a woman, not a freak. And if I need to go tothe restroom in a public place it is with a sister or agirlfriend. I need to be with a man as his woman and knowthat he is or will be the father of my babies.I feel that hurt and anger. It is because I was born withthat genetic defect that said I should be playing with gunsand trucks instead of dolls and jewelry. Part of me neededto rebel and wear that dress but part of me said not tohurt anyone else so be what I appear to be even though thatgenetic defect eventually changed me in ways that wasdifferent from what I would have liked my body to change.I also feel the hurt and anger of others. Some of usconstantly lash out way out of proportion to the situation.Some. "Well, it looks like you'll get rid of me pretty soon after all," Will said as he walked back into the living room."Oh?" Bob sat up on the couch and hit the mute switch on the remote control. "How so? I thought you were going to hang out here for a bit." Speaking engagement in Vermont. You know, one of those college pep talk thingies?" I wouldn't know," Bob grinned. "They only invite respectable writers to those. Does that stuff pay well?" Ten grand for an hour or two of yakkedy-yak and elbow-rubbing."Bob whistled through his teeth."Yeah, that's a decent hourly rate, I'd say. So when are you leaving?" Tomorrow morning is early enough. Don't count me in for dinner, though. I may have something else lined up tonight." Oh?" Bob raised an eyebrow. "I didn't realize you knew anyone else in Knoxville." I don't. Well, I guess I do now, sort of." He hesitated for a moment. They did not voluntarily share private matters often, but for some reason he did not feel particularly combative.
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