I struggle to maintain my composure each and every minute of my day. A day that drags on and on and gets harder and harder to get through. Each day I wonder. Each day I tell myself. I tell myself that this it is for the best. That it can’t be any other way. It has to be this way and this way only. I try to explain it to myself. I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I try. Each day I hope. I hope you are well. I hope you are OK. I hope that I am at least a passing thought in your day to day life now. I hope you remember the things we talked about. I hope that someday we can still be friends. Each day I think. Each day I cry. I cry for the love I had to give up. I cry for the longing I have in my heart. I cry for the future that. Then as recollection came to her she blushed, deeply ashamed. The people she had dined with last night had become the faces in her dream. They would be disgusted with her if they knew how they had featured in her imagination. As she became more fully awake she reviewed the events of last night. The after dinner conversation had intrigued and amused her. She did go up to the bathroom for exactly the reasons that Julie suggested, and she could now see herself clearly coming down and re-entering the Salon where she once more joined in the conversation and laughter. She and Meg had left just before midnight in the taxi Meg had ordered. Kate had not taken up Meg's invitation to come in for coffee. Instead she had climbed into her mini and drove home.With relief she got out of bed despite not feeling rested at all, even a long shower did not revitalise her. She went in to the kitchen and switched on the kettle to make some tea. Her head ached and her limbs acted as if they were encased in.
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