It still unnerves me a little that he was planning my horny-moon humiliation even while I modeled varies virginal wedding-dresses in front of his lustful eyes. The nigger told me later that he was able to peep in the changing rooms at the bridal shop and he had photographed me as I had slipped in and out of the pretty white dresses.Of course, I had not stripped beyond bra and panties that day, and considering I was totally slaved to him during the holidays last year, it may seem strange, but somehow, the knowledge that the k** spied on me in that dressing room may have been as big a violation of me in my own mind as was anything else that was perpetrated on myself during my horny-moon of hell.Anyhow, I guess my story starts to get a little darker that day in the bridal shop, but then it was all positives as the wedding got pulled together. It might have flown in the face of custom, but as religious as I was, I really wanted a Christmas wedding. Everyone was telling me that I was crazy. “She likes you, but she’s not like Lauren. She’s—”“I know. And I’ll try not to. Hurt her, I mean. But...”“I know.”She leaned into me as we watched the moon’s reflection move with the ripples caused by the wind. She smelled so good. Felt so good pressed up against me.I was beginning to think that perhaps coming out with her wasn’t such a good idea after all. My feelings for her were still there. I’d buried them deep over the past year, but they were definitely still there. We’d gone out for about nine months the first time around before things ended and they’d been the best nine months of my life. People described us as a volatile couple because it seemed we were fighting half the time and loved up the rest. And people stayed out of our way when we fought.But the fighting never lasted long and the making up afterwards was always fantastic. We’d given each other our virginities and explored what we could do to each other and with each other to make us feel good. There was a connection.
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