For the rest of the rehearsal, I could tell that she was trying to see me in the mirror, making surreptitious glances whenever she was not singing a part. Fortunately, we made it thru the remaining rehearsals without incident, although I was still entranced by Beth and she was still always trying to see if I was watching her in the mirror. Being significantly older, I was afraid that she would think my interest rather off-putting, so not only did I not approach her, I kind of avoided her. But while I tried to avoid the near temptation of sin, it was obvious whenever we passed in the hall that she was trying to make eye contact with me. Christmas Eve and Midnight Mass finally arrived, and even though it was December, a full church with hundreds of lit candles was more than the AC could cope with, which was typical. I was lucky, my vestments were made of a breathable cotton fabric. Even so, I took the liberty of wearing just an undershirt beneath my cassock, and I was still quite. Writing the opposite wouldjust be absurd. And he certainly couldn't bring himself to write theletter out again differently. It had been hard enough to do it the firsttime.But the thing that really clinched it was the fear that the letter mightfall into the wrong hands. What if he signed it Lady Ann in that awfulhandwriting and somebody else read it? It would expose the wholesituation and what then??? He might be thrown into a straitjacket in theloony bin! He might never escape! And then he would never be able topersuade her ladyship to swap back - not with him a wanted man.She'd laugh in his face!He shuddered.No. he had to leave it as it was. And besides, deciding to do thatactually made him feel relief. Battling against his identity wasstressful and wearing. He was tired of doing it. Really tired! He justwanted to go along with it, accept that he really was Burt for now.Doing otherwise just made him feel worse."I am Burt 'Arper," he murmured to himself. "I am Burt 'Arper."Then.
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