Masturbating away as you wallow in a deluge of girlie sensations - the soft friction of you sheer stockinged legs brush aghast each other and pretty panties around you waist, the tight embrace of a woman’s around your flat chest......immersed in girlie thoughts and girlie emotions.But all the while, there is this fear in the background - a fear of being caught in her stockings and underwear. So whilst you indulge yourself in girlie ecstasy and effeminacy, there is this common discomforting interface with the real world as you repeatedly peek through the blinds, or from behind the curtains lest she arrive home earlier than expected. The guilt builds up and conflates with an intense shame.“Boys and men don’t dress up in stockings and women’s underwear and masturbate.” “Why does feeling all girlie and effeminate feel so good?”“I must be some kind of depraved pervert, a queer, a fag”. “What would she say, and do, if she caught you?”You start to develop dark imagery of being caught,. The man with the eyes like 2 pools of unimaginable depth. Jarrah’s own eyes are the colour of storm clouds… a deep steely grey, but Silas has eyes the colour of unfired terracotta clay, deep and earthy. The warmth of them thaws her soul on the coldest of winter days, and cheers her heart at even the worst times. His hair is only slightly darker, but looks almost like the bleached wood of her chair in the bright full sun. When she sees him again, she will run her fingers through it as she kisses him full and slowly. She loves to tousle his hair. In her mind, she can smell the cologne he puts on after he shaves, and is comforted by its memory. It smells fresh… of grass and work and fresh linen, and is mixed with scents of his own body, male and strong. It is beautiful to her. Missing Silas, Jarrah begins to run her hands over her smooth, glistening skin. It has been days since she has felt his touch, and she is craving him. But he will not be home for several hours yet… Looking over.
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