In the 22 years since we had come to Mars, I had been able to establish a single currency, the International Dollar, and Basic English had become the official language. The francophones were still pissed at that, but I had not had anything to do with that directly, it just happened. World government was almost fully established, and it was running pretty well. There were a few holdouts, but I didn't thing they would last another 10 years.Of course, I did not rule the galaxy. That would have been impossible, even if I had wanted to do that. You would literally have to be crazy to try for that; there were over 20 billion different races in the galaxy, and only about half of them were oxygen breathers. The sheer red tape involved in trying to govern such a diverse group would have ground everything to a halt.Of course, the sheer impossibility of ruling the galaxy did not keep some people from trying. Right now, we were involved in a war with a group of people with a fanatical religious. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it ... half of them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it ... It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer ... Well, Mister, I told her!”A man tells his friend, “I went to my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking.”“What did he say?”“He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate.”“Did that do any good?”“No I can’t get the chocolate to light.”A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence.“Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?”“I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re a good.
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