"I don't know what to do. I leave to get away but nothing's changed." "Did you really expect it to, be honest?" "I did." "Mommy what was built in four years is not going to be knocked down in two. We were a fam ma and I ain't gone front it was hard as hell adjusting to you not being there." "How could I stay when they wanted a relationship and all of y'all wanted to fuck me?" "We would've dealt with it. Yeah we all want you and for different reasons one for sure nobody held us down like you and believe me we've tried but still you are the only one and we still got mad love for you. Don't know why but it is what it is." "If I fuck all of y'all that's hoe shit." "Nobody's callin you a hoe Mami." "Not to my face." he palmed my chin tilting my head enough to look in his eyes. "We'd never disrespect you like that, you've gotta know that we've got so much more love for you than to do that." "I've heard you guys talk about the women you mess with and how y'all ran trains and shit." "Hoes. She collapsed on top of me, limp and panting, the sweat on our chests making an obscene squelching sound but I was too ... out of breath? Too shocked? Too much in awe of the feelings coursing through me to even laugh.We slept like that, though Cam slid to the side sometime during the night, one leg and one arm over me, our fluids drying on our skin and in my pubic hair, making a huge mess.It was okay though. It really was.I am not going to lie and exaggerate about how I became an open and loving boyfriend, a wonderful lover and completely free of hang-ups. That didn’t happen. Even a month afterwards, when we were flying out to meet up with Jake in Dallas, I couldn’t ‘watch’ her touch me, or do anything like that with the lights on. A little ambient light was okay, I would just shut my eyes, but as long as I didn’t have to watch that part of me perform, I was okay.Weird hang up to have, eh? I was getting better, I knew I was, but even I was a little frustrated at how deeply some of.
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