.. But no!!! This story shall be told first. Then I will take matters into my own hands while I make that new man in my life watch.Back then, what I did not want was a relationship. And I always made sure I made that perfectly clear. I've grown up some since then, and am in a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship. In and out of the bedroom mind you.Now this is not a straight story, and it is not even a proper lesbian story. It is more a story of a woman looking back and trying to explain how I once made choices wanting to know more of who I was. A self discovery story? A tempt of fate maybe? Who really knows. I just like talking about me; like any woman does. It is just another chapter from my life like every other time I've put pen to paper to put my memories on paper. Only this time, it is not a tale of travelling like most of my other journals, this is one of lust and temptation. Of experimenting.But the biggest difference is, I don't want my potential children or family to. The sensation is almost painful and - as bad as it sounds - does need to be taken care of.I also feel that I’m enabling her. I pushed the tips of my fingers against her opening and her butt hole - utterly unnecessary for the shaving process. I did it purely because I was overcome with lust, with sexual desire for her. I am certainly not an innocent bystander. And Ava is certainly not dumb. She must have noticed that I gently massaged her inner lips with my fingers, that my shaving motions were sensual, massaging her clit. She also must have noticed my thumb pressing against her anus. Oh my! The more I think about it, the more I try to see this from Ava’s perspective, the more I realise that Ava must be aware of my sexual longing for her. That I wasn’t subtle about this at all.Are we both just pretending? Pretending that nothing sexual is happening? That this is all just part of a normal father-daughter relationship, part of a normal patient-carer relationship? I should stop this.
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