I was now thirty-five. I had pounded the beat, got beaten up a couple of times by nefarious characters who didn’t want to come quietly and administered punishments to a few who I knew were guilty but evidence to convict them was insufficient for the CPS to prosecute. I had done a stint in the Traffic section and plain clothes work attached to the C.I.D. I had been married and divorced. Now I had made Inspector. Along the way I had seen how some people would treat other people, I was no longer surprised at the depths of depravity to which human beings could descend. Yet I liked the job, purely because you could make a difference. When some utter lowlife who preyed on innocent people was banged up for a few years you got a great deal of satisfaction. The divorce was inevitable really. There was an adage in the Force, ‘Coppers should only marry in the family’. That is the relatives of other coppers who understood the life. The pressure of work and the compulsory overtime meant that I. .Imagine each time you closed your eyes you didn’t know if you’d wake upImagine a well-paid lawyer your family member tells you to lie and say you did somethingImagine what he says seems like the best alternative to keep you safest, alive...Imagine you do it to avoid avoiding a worse hell, perhaps you even fear death if you don’tImagine wondering if your members know what the lawyer’s telling youImagine if the forever treat you as if you were guiltyImagine if they read reports and never considered you might be innocentImagine doing the time and whatever you had to do to get through itImagine learning what pure hate feels likeImagine being its victimImagine having to do things that violate your values to surviveImagine when the cost of protecting yourself is a guilt you’ll always carryImagine you’ve been force to learn how to be hard when you needed to beImagine you’ll never fully trust because to do so might be deathImagine a friend you’ve known might betray you in his next breath to.
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