“What the hell, Mike!” Coach finally asked after my fourth major mistake with our bread and butter running plays.“I’m here in body, Coach, but my mind is nowhere to be found,” I honestly said as I picked my ass up off the grass after being leveled by Matt.“Ronnie, get in here! Now is as good a time as any for you to get some reps in with the first team offense!” Coach yelled to our starting wide out. “Mike, off to your safety position. Chris, take Ronnie’s ‘90’ spot, please.”Before we ended our practice with the ‘Up and Down 40 Gassers’, Coach put his arm around me and asked, “This thing with Mrs. Bumstead is really eating you up inside, isn’t it?”“I’ve already heard a bunch of snide comments and remarks about my ... unusual penis, Coach. And now this, this won’t ever end here at school. You may think you’ve stopped it with these guys, and it may work when you’re around but...”“Is this naked thing gonna kill you, Mike?” Coach softly asked out of the blue.“No,” I quizzically replied. Maybe it was this final little thing that was bothering me."To our most beloved pledge-sister Lisa..."You know you're in trouble when someone calls you most beloved anything. In this case, disguised within the prose of whereas and wherefore and to wit lay the real challenge..." ... Thus have thee been charged, pledge-sister Lisa, to discover and deliver upon our most noble traditions suitable companionship and comfort to the passions of our dearest Sophie..."Sophie was a dog." ... Above all knowest thee, our Pledge-Sister, that lovely Sophie, being a soul of such sweet countenance and fervent grace that mortal staffs should ne'er deign her petal bruise..."Blah Blah Blah" ... Tis a mighty fount of youthful vigor required to quench the fires of her deepest thirst..."Uh-huh" ... Know ye that only such a staff as might a Grecian God posses shall entertain thy holy endeavor; let him be known to precious Sophie from Beginning unto End..."Subtle huh? It went on for awhile like that, believe.
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