Reality had not been so kind to me. I even started to grow my hair (whichI was wearing rather short since I was a k**) in the vain attempt to makehim like me. Well, it didn't work out and a few years later when risinghormon levels had turned my dreams of intimacy into a real need for it Ihad finally given up. But with our graduation nearing I somehow felt that Icouldn't leave it at that. I had to try it one last time. So when Chrisinvited me (like everybody else) to the big party at his parents house hehad to his own for the weekend, I was determined to make happen what I'dbeen running through my mind on so many nights alone in my bed. I was soconfident it would work out that I told my mum it was a sleepover party andthat she wouldn't have to pick me up until 11 the next morning.Everybody felt that this could well be the last party of our school timeand so noone missed it. As I arrived the whole house was already crowdedand I had no chance to avoid a few drinks with my girls. And when. He relaxes into the kiss, then I pull away. Confused, his eyes search mine again for the answer to my mysterious behaviour. Well, here goes nothing! I say to myself. “Jason, I want you so badly, you have no idea. But in my heart I know I can’t give it up to you right now, especially since we just met. But at the same time ...” I stop mid-sentence and remove my shirt. He is dumb-struck by my sudden brazenness at the removal of my clothing. “... I want to learn. And I want to be on top.” At least I’ll have some form of control. Jason’s jaw has dropped open at the sudden view of my lace bra. I’m not sure if he’s heard what I said. Then he leans back on the bed and says, “Ok, sexy. Anything.” Of course he’d go along with it. What did I expect, him to turn me down? He’s a warm-blooded man, for peets sake. I guess I have to follow through now. I watch as he stretches out on his side of the bed, never letting our eyes lose the connection. As he holds my hand, he pulls me to follow.
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