“Mom says you can do something with me,” she whispered, at about forty decibels. In case you’re wondering, the average whisper is 30 decibels.Her hand snaked to find my morning wood.“Mmmm. Was Daddy thinking about getting frisky with my mother?” she purred.“No, it means Daddy has to get up and go to the bathroom,” I said.“Really?”“Really. It even has a scientific name.”“Really?”“Yes. It’s called nocturnal penile tumescence. And that’s your science lesson for the day. Now let me get up and go deal with it.”“Awww, you’re no fun,” Riley complained.I got up and she rolled back to hug her mother again. As I left, Amanda was complaining.When I got back, they were face to face and Amanda was in a much better mood.There were things I didn’t know about my wife. One of them was that, at a slumber party she attended, one time, one of the subjects of discussion was whether or not kissing another girl made you a lesbian. I should have said made you into a lesbian, because that was the tenet one. He squirmed about in his bed, shifting positions and trying to get comfortable, but it didn’t matter. He was awake now and no matter how hard he tried, he knew he wouldn’t get back off to sleep. He sat up slowly and sniffed, flicking on a light and looking around his empty bedroom, running a hand through his long dark messy hair. His room had precious little personality to it, it was just functional, a place to sleep. Lazily, he swung his legs out of bed and stood slowly, padding barefoot through to his bathroom, taking his phone with him and setting up his Spotify to play some tunes. The bathroom was unpleasantly chilly, but at least his friend had let him use their Spotify premium, he didn’t have to put up with their adverts as he went about his morning routine.He looked at himself in the mirror, frowning some. He hated himself, he really did. He was so soft and feminine, his face round and girlish, his eyes big and sultry, his lips full and attractive. He didn’t even have to shave.
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