I was envious of you, and angry, too. Not at you, but kind of angry at your father for leaving me alone in life. I know that seems strange, but sometimes I miss him so much that I hurt all over. Last night I couldn't get to sleep. All I could think about was missing your father. Finally I got out of bed and went to my bathroom and splashed cold water all over myself, just trying to get out of my sad mood. There wasn't a hand towel in my bathroom for some reason so I walked down the hall to get one from yours and I heard you and Kyle in his bed. That was all that it took to set my emotions into a tizzy. I cried myself to sleep eventually, but before that happened, I spent most of the night remembering making love with your father." To answer your question, yes Emma, I loved having sex with your dad. We made love nearly every night, sometimes all night. It was exciting, it was fulfilling, it was wonderful, and I have not enjoyed that since the day he died. Hearing your voice through. I looked up.“I thought it would be a few more days,” I said, she just smiled.“Hmm,” she said, and then she was gone.She’d been waiting for her husband for forever. Well, it seemed like forever. Ever since her mother had outed herself, she’d been beside herself with feelings of guilt and confusion and desperation.Her dad was dying, and worse, trying to die. And why? Mostly because of her own behavior. Her mom too, but mostly because of her behavior. He was her dad, her real and wonderful daddy and he’d been treated like shit, by everybody. But it was her own self that her daddy needed to be there for him, and she hadn’t been, not in anything like a real sense. Fuck-fuck-fuck!The bad news. She absolutely knew, oh yes, that her daddy would not want her to blame her mom. That because that was the kind of man he was. She realized it now, oh yes, she did. There was no fucking doubt about it. He loved her still. He was mad at her, but not love her? That was never going to happen. For sure.
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