I was nervous about how Paul would act, hoping we could just pretend he didn’t know, and that I didn’t know he knew. When we arrived the others were already there and were halfway through their first drinks. Paul made a joke about ‘the girls’ always being fashionably late, Jack glared jokingly, and from then everything was as it normally was. Everyone continued as though nothing had changed. I was relieved. However I couldn’t help the feeling of rejection creeping in every time I looked at him. It hurt to see his beautiful smile knowing I would never be able to kiss those lips. Before I’d had hope but now the certainty that he didn’t see me that way felt awful. So I drank my drinks a lot faster than normal. In my semi-drunken state I decided I fancied dancing, something I usually avoided completely. Some generic rock music was playing and I closed my eyes and let myself go, enjoying the rhythm and trying as hard as I could not to think. When I opened my eyes a guy I vaguely. I’m also going to buy groceries as well,” I admitted.“Be sure you wash those sheets on you bed twice,” she demanded as she converted my living room sofa into a day bed. She allowed me to hold her naked all night. It was one of those times when sleeping together was really just an affirmation of our closeness, and not really about sex at all.She left early so that she would be home before Jon left for school. That left me alone to sleep a few more hours. I did the unthinkable. I slept until 10AM. I didn’t care at all that the sun was way over the downtown buildings, or that the air had a lot of it’s warmth already. I still walked my old familiar route. It included the convenience store where I had the altercation the last time I was home. There were different thugs in the parking lot. Even though we stared at each other nothing else happened. One of these days, I knew, something bad was gonna happen again. That old mob mentality would kick in from out of nowhere, and then someone.
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