It was only possible to gain a confusedimpression of a narrow passage, lined on either side with miscellaneousarticles, when the shop door was opened by customers. The passage wasdimly lighted; with the counter apparently being set well back, at therear of the shop.These few details had to suffice, and I tried to improvise a sketch planof the shop floor; together with details of the numbers of staff andtheir relative dispositions. Due allowance was made for the possibilityof them showing any reluctance to serve a man; but this could be offsetby their anticipated willingness to relieve me of my money!My final script was perfect; and would have netted me a fortune inRoyalties if it had been produced on the stage of any theatre in theWest End of London.It went like this:-Plan of Campaign1. Open the door.2. Enter the shop.3. Approach the counter.CONVERSATION:ME. (Politely) "Good Morning."SHAPELY AND WELL CORSETED SHOP ASSISTANT. (Assuming a pleasant smile)"Good Morning, Sir. How may I be. I’m not interested.Then about eleven??? Maybe earlier. I started to feel a little sick. I went to the bathroom and didn’t recognize myself. I thought, My God! My mother is here. That’s when I threw up the first time and I thought, great, I’m sick. How could I get sick so fast? I had to grab my coat from the table and I left the bar. This guy—Deon??—wanted to drive me home. No way. Not interested. I got in my car and pulled out of the parking lot, wanting to get away from there as fast as I could. Apparently, that was too fast. I forgot to turn the headlights on. I wasn’t half a block away when a cop car pulled me over. I had trouble finding my ID, I finally gave it to him with my rental agreement.He made me get out of the car. Walk this line. I could barely see the line he pointed at. It’s fucking January and there’s three inches of snow on the ground that the stupid city hasn’t figured out how to remove from the streets. And it’s freezing-your-ass-off weather. He’s making me stand.
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