Really?” He whispered, an undercurrent of abject fear in his voice.I shouldn’t have told him, I thought worriedly, he’ll think I’m dirty now… “Oh hey, come on, it’s not that bad…” I insisted, wincing a little at the look on his face. He was unhappy again, and I hated it when he was unhappy, whether it was in the office, at home or in scene. It was a different unhappiness now, but I still had to fix it. “Look, that was like, hell, twenty years ago, and you know I take a shower or bath every day. I’m clean too, what do you have to worry about? It’s not like the fucker was stupid enough to try and lay me.”“You… You mean he… I’ll kill him.” He says, almost faintly, and pulls me into a tight hug, shibari and all. With a tug he forces the bungee cord to release me, holding me tightly. “I’ll kill the motherfucker.” I noticed with growing amounts of panic that his voice sounded slightly thick, almost like— SHIT. My eyes snapped open in shock as I felt hot liquid on my neck where he’d buried. And I'm just afraid of the guilt. And that guilt is holding me back from pushing her more physically too. So we're stuck at this physical/emotional barrier. And it's all my fault.And once I figured that out a few days ago, I know she noticed. I'm a bit withdrawn, and she can tell something's up. The guilt is good for one thing—I've thrown myself into fixing her house and helping her and Cat set up this baseball card auction.She's excited because it means she can really sink some money into the house. No more DIY project, but hiring a real electrician. She even hints at having me hire a few guys to work for me. I knows she's talking about investing in me starting my own contracting business. She even looked into me getting a contractor's license, and in Texas, it's as simple as filling out a form and sending in a fee.Of course, there's just one problem with that—my name isn't John James, it's Matthew Jonathan James. And most days it feels like the whole world is looking for me..
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