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They fill you with intense fear but, through constant association with the sensual and emotional girlie pleasures you’re immersed in, and the erotic ecstasy of pleasuring yourself and slowly bring yourself to climax, they conflate into a kind of dark fantasy which arouses you. After you’ve climaxed, with the erotic arousal spent, you suddenly see yourself not as the girl you’d created for yourself in your own mind, but as kind of warped deviant dressed in women’s clothes. You feel disgusted with yourself. The shame and guilt are still there, but without the erotic rush. You discard the stockings, high heels and underwear as quickly as you can. They no longer excite you. You do you best to put them back as you found them, hoping she won’t notice. As you wipe away your makeup and nail polish, taking extreme care to remove all traces, you tell yourself you’ll never do this again. But you will.In less than a few hours you’ll be looking at her, in stockings, heels, underwear, that you’ve. She was usually more caring.“Ok…put those back on”, she gave me my panties. I pushed my boots one at a time through the holes and pulled them up under my skirt. “Call her a cab”, she told her driver on the phone“You can get out the other door”, she said not looking at meI opened the heavy door and the limo drove off. A few minutes later a cab found me.“Are you ok ?”, the nice man asked“Yeah…don’t worry…I’m fine”, I answered, and we drove off.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was getting pretty cold out there at night so I decided to find tricks indoors. One place I could always go to without taking a car was one of the local brothels. There were of course many in Boston but one nice brothel was situated a few blocks from the Pub I hung out in. Since these establishments were also controlled by the mob, I had access to this one in particular and knew most people. As long as I told the Madame.
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