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Any movement made the cherryclasps apparent too. Now, just yesterday, the thought of leaving thehouse dressed this way would have horrified me. Today all I thought was,"Man, I am hot!"I put on some blush and some fire-engine red lipstick. I then pickedsome shopping shoes - white open toe sling backs with red accents. Itdidn't even occur to me that two days ago I couldn't tell a pump from amule from a slingback. It was 11:40 - Time to go to lunch.I got lucky and found parking very easily and very close to the foodcourt. I walked across the lot and into the door, swaying my hips as Iwent. This was fun, I thought. A man opened the door for me, and as Iwent by he casually brushed up against my ass. I let it slide - guyswere going to want to touch me. I'd have to accept that.LeeAnn was nowhere to be seen. I looked at the clock, and it said I hadfive minutes. I walked into the music store right next to the foodcourt. I browsed through the stuff I liked - mostly dance music. . It has been a few weeks since I last heard his voice and my heart aches to hear it again right now. I feel a deep sadness and it has fully taken hold of me today. I feel almost desperate to hear his laughter and be the one to bring him joy. I want to hear all about his day and have long conversations on subjects we have discussed a million times before. I want to talk about the impossible dream of a life we could have together. I want to hear him say that he loves me just as much as I love him. But I can't because he does not love me. That fact is heartbreakingly true. He loves someone else and a future together is something that could never be achieved no matter how much effort is put forth. I fully grasp the reasoning to which I cannot have the man I want and I understand that he wishes to have someone else for his wife but I keep finding myself unable to let go, despite knowing full well that I need to lock his memory away for my sanity. I find myself refusing any advances of.
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