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‘I don’t understand.’ ‘It’s training. It’s socialisation. Hurting people is okay, so you learn how to do that. Being nice to people isn’t okay unless you’re in love, so you learn to be in love.’ ‘Ben, you don’t believe that.’ ‘I don’t know. I believe in hypocrisy. I believe some people can’t admit that they’re just horny, they’ve got to dress it up with love.’ ‘Maybe.’ Ben shrugged. ‘Maybe not. I was guessing. I do a lot of guessing. Might just be self-deluding bullshit on my part, too.’ She said carefully, ‘I think he thought he loved me.’ ‘Did you love him?’ ‘I don’t know.’ She squeezed Ben’s arm. ‘At least he won’t be able to do that to Crista, he’ll be too self-conscious.’ ‘You’re taking this awfully well.’ ‘Am I?’ she asked him. ‘I don’t know. I never got dumped before.’ ‘I’ve been dumped. Trust me, you’re taking this well.’ They walked in silence until they came to Sarah’s door. She turned to face him. ‘Do you want to come in?’ ‘Do you still want me to?’ ‘Oh, for God’s sake,’. "Well?" I can't tell. The judge -, well she's playing things close to herchest." Have you spoken to the girls?" I begged."Yes. They're your best cards. They've made it abundantly clear thatthey want to live with 'Skipper'"."But of course I'm no longer Skipper." She's bound to take you up about that. It's the elephant in the room.How will the girls react to you when they discover who you are? Prepareyourself for a grilling this afternoon."And a grilling it was."How do you think the girls will react if and when they realise who youare?" I don't know. I can only hope they'll have learnt to be compassionateenough to try and understand." But they're only young girls. Don't you think it will be a crueldiscovery?" I can't say. Perhaps it might." Well I cant just deal in maybes and might's, I have to go on facts andreality." My life is a reality. My transvestism is a fact. I have to live with itand deal with it as well." That's a selfish viewpoint. I'm thinking of the girls."I had to think.
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