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Yet sleep would call forth unwanted dreams, dreams of happier times, times now gone.I had been back in Lima for two days, back at the Crillón, back to a new world of confusion, loss, and anger. Yes, anger. It was God that held the power of life and death for us. How could I be angry at God? Yet there was the interminable bureaucracy of trying to solve the simplest problem in a Latin country. "Si, Señor. Mañana, por favor." "No, Mister Fisher. You must go the Mayor's office to do such a thing."Even the Embassy with their pretentious, "You just have to wait, Mr. Fisher." Or, from a friend, a soon to be ex-friend, "Terry, you just have to keep hoping. Maybe she was at a nearby village. You can imagine the horrendous confusion."I knew she was gone. I saw the incredible number of photos of the devastation. I saw the video's that ran over and over on the television. It was like the worst war scene, nothing left standing. It was disaster beyond imagination. If I had written about this as a. "We finish lunch and pretty much agree that we three will continuegetting together like this, for lunch, shopping, hanging out, and so on.And I now have another girlfriend out here.In thinking about all this later, what also surprises me is that Aaronobviously didn't tell Kaitlyn about my past life. He so easily couldhave, using all sorts of slurs and put downs, but she has never evenslightly referenced that possibility. Either she really doesn't know oris extremely gracious. I do think that either is possible with her, butas we become friendlier, she (or Deanna) never even hint at it.This is a concern I'm living with, that I'm basically doing what a lotof transgendered people do after surgery - I'm going 'stealth'. Do Itell anyone I meet now? With my longer term relationships, Roger neverknew and Ron and Sammy know it all, but the moments with each were inways very similar. All three have treated me on our dates totally as awoman. Kevin and Avery found out and one has fully.
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