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It was devastating in many ways and took time to work through it. What I couldn’t ultimately work through was trusting a man, again. Not after all that time together. Not after giving up my career aspirations of writing so he could move up in his career. What I call my ‘idiot years’ at the end of the marriage did, however, provide the foundation for the future when I was ready: resolve to focus on writing; and, the knowledge to provide myself with very real and satisfying pleasure with toys and my own fingers.Even though I am alone, and committed to being alone (I won’t trust a man ever again and, despite writing about slutty, desperate women ready to ride any available man, I won’t stoop to being a man’s toy or object), I have a closet full of erotic outfits I love wearing for myself and more mirrors throughout the house than normally seen. In essence, I use the outfits and the mirrors to entice myself … and the wine helps. Desperate? Not in my mind. And, my mind has. I thought about how to create a winter picnic. "I think I'll have to check the freezer to see what I can do about something to eat. I'll probably have to go over to the supermarket for something, but I'll do my best to keep it to my usual standard." That's OK. I'll have to go home and get some suitable clothes." Yes, you'll need your swimsuit. I hope it's a little g-string bikini." You can't be serious! I think that was your phrase."I picked her up at her place, and we drove down to the coast. We found that deserted beach. And I was right, it was freezing. But we walked and talked, and found a sheltered place in the sand dunes where we set up for lunch. I'd brought my camping stove, and I cooked. Some hot, homemade tomato soup that I'd made at the end of last summer when tomatoes were cheap and full flavoured. And then I cooked some good pork sausages from the butcher in Chillington, the best I knew. "You know this is costing me, here I am frying the finest sausages I know on a.
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