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The next couple of minutes would have a very real impact on the rest of my life. "Are you pregnant, Molly?"There was a long pause. At the time, it felt like it was about an hour before she said anything, but it was probably only a few seconds."What would you say if I told you I was, Sean? Would you be happy? Or would it upset you?"I felt like my head was going to explode. "Is it mine?" I croaked.I heard her sigh on the other end of the line. "I'm going to make your day, Sean, and maybe even give Kristina Mendoza a little gift in the process." I could hear her take a big breath before continuing. "There is no baby. I'm not pregnant. I've never been pregnant. I've been on the pill since last fall. If we hadn't broken up, I was going to tell you about it at Christmastime." She took a large, hitching breath before continuing. "Do you feel better now, Sean? Do you? I wish to Christ that I did." And she hung up.I set the telephone back down gently. A great load had just been lifted from. " What do you mean?" Shell people are not supposed to think about their physical bodies." That's right." But I have been." But ... why?"I sighed."It's hard to explain. But I think that in some fundamental part of me,I'm a girl. But I can never be seen as one."For a while afterward, there was silence.Then Helva said, "When I first decided I wanted to sing, someone mighthave told me it was impossible. Yet I found a way. Can you find a way tobe seen as a girl? What makes me a girl that you can't do?"Her saying that cut through my pity-party and got me thinking like ashell-person again."I ... could just ask them to call me by a female name? Use femalepronouns?" You certainly could." But would they do it?" They might. I mean, its not like its a big deal. You're just asking fora little kindness, a little respect, and it really costs them nothing todo so. Plus, I'll add my voice to yours." You ... will?" Why wouldn't I? But you better have a female name ready if you want themto take you.
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