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.."But I looked good enough when you wanted to fuck,you butt-ugly bastardly hypocrite schmuck!"And then I beheld in the mirror above me,a scene straight from the X-Files! (w/ David Duchovney)I was shrinking and turning a much darker hue,my dick and balls shrivelled my boobs grew and grew!And when that mysterious glow did subside-"Oh where did my weenie go?" I cried, cried and cried.I wailed, "Whatchoo wanna do me like dat fo?Oh lawdy lawdy, I'se a nappy haired Ho!"She smiled, "We'd agreed that free speech was fine.Well when I said that spell I was just practicing mine."Words can't hurt people, isn't that what you said?So now come and meet your new pimp, Memphis Red."So that's how I wound up out here on this corner;My life's just a blur now of backseats and boners.Cruel ethnic slurs can be jolly good fun,until you insult a center who's skilled in Vodoun.I used to be famous for venting my spleen,before I ran afoul of a B-ball voodoo queen.I'm a pure sex machine, my profile's obscene,a. ..oh, Jason, I'm so sorry about this." For God's sake, Mum, don't call me Jason. You need to always call meMother - OK?" Oh, oh yes, dear." Now that he had completed the transformation, Jasonrealized that the riskiest part of their plan was not the disguise, butthe nervous way his mother was acting. She was obviously not at easewith what was to come."Mum. Please, concentrate, You just have to relax, and go with the flow.Remember I am your mother, that this is just a routine visit, and justtry and be agreeable, and cooperate as best you can. Above all, try tobe friendly and relaxed with this guy."They had a few minutes before the inspector was due to arrive, so whileJason settled into his surroundings, gathering picture frames around hiscouch and making the room smell even more perfumy, Marion cleared awayhis male clothes and started to prepare some tea. At two-thirty exactly,the doorbell rang.Jason remained in his Grandma's room while Marion opened the door. Heheard the words of.
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