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If I was going to talk about this, I needed something more potent than beer. Lisa gave me a look of reproach, but didn’t say anything as I poured myself a double. She waited until I was sitting again to continue. ‘If she hurt you so badly, why keep the drawing?’ ‘Because it’s all I have left of her.’ I swallowed hard and drank the double in a gulp. ‘She left me and it was as sudden as if she had died. I thought she loved me. She told me she did. Like an idiot, I believed her. For people like me, there is no love.’ ‘Bullshit.’ I couldn’t help but chuckle at the profanity. ‘That’s my line. Look, Lisa, it’s different for you. Society doesn’t frown on your very existence. As a lesbian, everyone hates me. The religious types tell me I’ll burn in hell. Women avoid me like a leper and men feel threatened by me. They think I want to steal their wives. Only among other gay people do I feel like I can talk freely about anything.’ Her eyes twinkled. ‘You seem to be talking just fine to me.’. We weren't together for long, maybe 6 months when I found out I was pregnant! I planned to work out what to do together with him and I was totally open to an abortion, we weren't that serious and it was still early in every sense. But he threw a fit and essentially threatened me, I won't say what he said but I figured it was over. My roomie was supportive but my other burgeoning yoga friend didn't want the drama at the time. I hadn't decided what to do with the pregnancy but it was decided for me when I went for a "lady checkup" and was told I couldn't have a baby yet. I had some uterine scarring that wouldn't allow it to get nutrients and air it needed to develop. It wasn't a big hit to me or anything because it was so early and actually fixable whenever I finally found the money for it, which I didn't have at the time (I'm now viable). So after a snaking I went home with a sore cooch, which sounds like the darker half of a porn joke but it's not funny at all, especially the pain.
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