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So, with that, I have decided to settle for this, "friendship."I have decided to settle for continuing to interact with him in any way that is possible to do so, whether that means I only get to talk to him once a week or even once a year. I have elected to watch him live his life with a person I know is not right for him and I have chosen to keep my mouth shut about my feelings indefinitely not matter how much it eats away at me. The worst part is that not a single one of my desires has waned. Not one has become less intense, or less aggravating, in the past weeks regardless of any logic I have tried to force myself to acknowledge. I thought the dreams of him would cease if we ended things but I could not have been more wrong. The sensual ones are what haunt me the most and make me feel the most shameful. I have spent many hours reminising about all of the fantasies we used to play through, remembering all the ways his words would send a fire throughout my body. All the while. Even from a distance, they had a cute but mischievous look about them.There were lots of games for the kids, including some for us tweens and teens. One game, a sack race, required a boy and a girl to team up and each place a leg into a sack and run three-legged down a course and back. I was surprised when Lisa came up to me, took my hand and wanted me to be her partner on the race. I was very skeptical, looking for her hidden plan but agreed ... why not! A GIRL asking ME!When all of us kids were ready to start, she whispered to me, “I want to win this. You BETTER NOT FALL!”Of course, we fell within moments of starting. Luckily, most of the others did too, and the ones that didn’t were being too cautious about going fast. We got back up, I said “Sorry!” as she glared at me and we took off. This time, I was determined to stay in sync with her, letting her lead instead of me trying on my own. I guess her brow-beating me had worked, ‘cause, yep, we won. She was so happy, jumping up and.
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