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Whilst it might be argued that the food would not have been ruinedif Goddess had not called him at an inopportune time, this is not a line that pwould take, not if he wished to avoid even more punishment! At one-o-clock the women comethrough to the dining room to eat. p has worked extra hard to get the tablelooking perfect and, as she sits down, Goddess gives him a little smile toacknowledge this. It?s moments like that which makes p?s life worth it; Goddesshas noticed and appreciated his efforts, that is all the payment he needs. Again, the comparison withMistress Anne is vivid. Goddess is, as ever, the gracious hostess whilstMistress Anne must have been hitting the drinks quite hard and is alreadyshowing obvious signs of drunkenness. Her slave is knelt on the floor besideher and she absentmindedly toys with him, alternating between stroking andtweaking. The food doesn?t slow down her drinking at all and, several timesduring the meal, p has to top up her glass. At last they finish. I believe hewas the one who provided her the stipend. Anais evidently fought thepush from this man towards domesticity, its intimacy and the limitsthat such a lifestyle might bring to an independent minded woman.Therefore she resisted his seduction.?I listened as he continued to read, but this passage seemed from anearlier time:?As I matured and accepted my nature as Anais, a woman, I came tofault my mother for this androgyny, my near feminine appearance, asmother was almost too lovely. Early on I desired to mimic her beautyand therefore became receptive. When my mother overheard my quietconversations with Madame Gautreau she began to grow suspect of mysexuality as it related to the older woman. I was unwilling to waitfor the changing world and the possible circumstances for my womanhoodto be accepted. I craved to become invisible, a simple female; a womenwho lived each day uniquely, and I would strive to appear so, to be agirl. I needed to be a normal woman, not a freak. I wanted.
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