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—– Nowadays I avoid Hollywood. Sure, I’ve had a lot of fun there – it used to be a tradition of mine to spend a week or two a year there, doing my own kind of casting couch of the latest starlets to come up from anonymity. But as I grow more cautious (some might say paranoid) I increasingly avoid obvious hunting grounds like Hollywood, beauty pageants, the Cheerleading World Championship, and so on. Which isn’t to say that I don’t feel the urge to sample some celebrity ass, I just pick less well-known actresses shooting on location somewhere with less vigilant security. Case in point – ‘Poor Richard’ is a dire unwatchable piece of trash aimed at the 12 to 15 demographic, with only two redeeming features, namely the actresses Ilona Bialik (a 21 year old who plays a maid) and Harper Shelby (a 19 year old who plays the sister to the eponymous star of the show). That, and the whole thing is shot in the small Californian town of Los Perros. The security is laughable, it is simplicity. I also fondle my nuts and give them a good scratch. I want to edge this way for a good long time, preferring to prolong it as long as possible. That way, I can work up to a wonderful ten minutes in the shower jerking off before my wife gets home. The open garage door and side doors allow gentle breezes to blow through as I tinker with my two toys. I hear a vehicle pull up in front of the house and I look out to see a courier truck. A guy gets out. He is cute, maybe thirty-five-years-old. He is tall and husky but is limping quite badly. It looks like a bad leg or bad back.He hobbles in the garage and asks, "Are you Bob Apple?" That's me," I answer.He hands me what looks like a little laptop with a stylo pencil attached to it and says, "Sign here."I sign and return it to him, asking, ”You got a bad leg?"He hands me the parcel. "It's my right leg. Sitting in that truck isn't the best thing for it."I ask, "Do you rub voltaren gel on it?" What's that?" It's a muscle rub. I use it all the.
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