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’To which little RALPHY replied, ‘The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.’LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHLittle RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.‘Why’ asks the father?‘The teacher asked ‘How much is 2 x 3?’ ‘‘I said 6”, replies RALPHY.‘But that’s right!’ says his dad.‘Yeah, but then she asked me ‘How much is 3 x 2?’‘What’s the fuckin’ difference?’ asks the father.‘That’s what I said!’LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISHLittle RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, ‘Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?’RALPHY says ‘Mas-tur-bate.’Miss Rogers smiles and says, ‘Wow, little RALPHY, that’s a mouthful... ‘Little RALPHY says, ‘No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.’LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMARLittle RALPHY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet. He yelled out, ‘Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!’The teacher replied, ‘Now,. The meeting was Friday. Our nerves were fraught, and we saw no point in making things worse with last-minute discussion. The deadline also gave forty-eight hours to tell Ebenezer. Even though we did not know who this person really was, we felt we would owe him a courteous explanation. That deadline passed. I took Thursday off work to pack and relax, but spent most of the day cleaning, ironing, and doing anything that didn’t involve me thinking about what lay ahead. Friday, with enough clothes put haphazardly into a case for a month, Paul and I traveled, the journey uneventful, save for the silence. Ebenezer had booked two adjoining rooms for us at a hotel just off the city center, in the names of Mr. Statler and Miss Waldorf; one room for the group to congregate, the other for my use. Where Statler and Waldorf chose to sleep, he explained, was up to them. He added that the group now referred to us as the Fezziwig’s, but felt that might have made their booking team.
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