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Now you’re scaring me.”“Good — that means you understand how serious this is. I live with this on a daily basis, Carter. I’m convinced — and, so is my doctor or she never would’ve agreed for me to go to school so far from home — that the odds of me having another episode are very, very small.”“But, the odds are non-zero,” he added.“Right. Now, I need you to be honest with me. Does this change how you feel about me?”“Answer one question first — were you really going to volunteer this to me?”“Oh, Carter — of course I was ... when I thought the moment was right. Margeaux sort of forced my hand.”“I believe you. This does change how I feel about you — but it doesn’t change how much I love you. I realize you may be more fragile than I thought.”Tears filled her eyes. “I needed to hear that. Believe me, Carter — I feel like a weight’s been lifted. I know I’ll be at ease knowing you know. So will my folks, and so will my doctor.”“Does anyone else here know about this?”“Well — obviously. I masturbated for the first time in my bedroom, fantasizing about a girl in my class at school, and was very surprised to find hot, sticky cream covering my hands and the blankets. I realized it was cum, remembering what my mother had taught me about my body. I rubbed it into my stomach and chest, not really understanding yet what had happened, but wanting more. I soon found myself in a jerk-off frenzy. Two, three, five, a day. I couldn't stop myself. Imagination wore out as a means to satisfy myself. I began to search through everything for stimulating pictures: the lingerie section of mums catalogs. I would have killed for a Fiesta or Escort magazine, but they were simply not to be gotten at the time, especially not in mum's house. Later that month, as I was rooting around in mum's wardrobe, I found several pictures of my mother. Not just any old pictures, mind you, but shots of her all dolled up in lingerie and laying on her bed in very seductive poses. Nothing slutty, and no.
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