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Being a single mother has been tough. The hardest part was not having a man in my life. I tried dating but being a mother made it difficult to find and keep a man interested. Eventually my loneliness led to me feeling unwanted, used, and inadequate. I started to developing some unhealthy sexual behavior. I'd have men over for one night stands weekly and masturbated almost non stop. My sexual appetite grew into something I'd never experienced before. This is where my troubles began.Like I said before, I frequently had men over for one night stands. I gave up on the idea of "falling in love" and settled for sex. It was always easy to get, and there was lots of it. At first I was warry of my c***dren and what they thought. I would make sure they were asleep before I had any men over and made sure we were always quiet so no one could hear us. Over time I got more and more reckless. My c***dren eventually got an idea of what exactly was going on in the house. Ultimately it became routine. I slowly came to the realization that it was out of my hands. “I do love you.” I reiterated my stance. To be shunned and castrated from your life-love demanded more than just soft words and idle threats. Yet I still cling to inane attempts at saving face or dreams “I love you,”- how foolish that must sound to the strong and the bold. “I love you,”- yes goddamn you, I wish I had never spoken those words. I found myself smiling with embarrassment and humiliation. Yet I still dream- even now- there are no escapes from my prison. I am forced to move forward and never, ever look back. For my passions are not lighthearted in nature, neither are they lacking in enthusiasm. And for those of you that dismiss my endeavors with not so much as an acknowledgement, I say to you, we are of one body and one soul bounded throughout eternity. I still grow tired reasoning- for we are what we are, nothing less and certainly nothing more. We the pathetic, the loathsome that come together in a place and.
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