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She does not. The fall ends when I open my eyes. The popcorn ceiling of my tiny studio. Of course, why wouldn’t I be in this bed? My hands ache because I slept funny. My pajama bottoms are rumpled and wet. My nightshirt has fallen open from my wild thrashing.The buttons are flung across the room, pale in the morning sunlight. Too mundane to have been handled by a woman made of shadow.I’m losing my mind. Reality is bending under the pressure of my life.I’m not sure how to stop it from breaking.Except to prove it’s real. I avoid Basya until the afternoon class. She wears a scarf, thick and red. Hiding the place where I left a bruise? Or just protecting herself from the cold?I ignore her raised hand. It annoys Basya to be ignored; the hard line of her lips deepens when I praise the idiotic answers I’ve pried out of the boys in the back, who have barely read the cliff notes of Beowulf.I recognize that harshness building in her, and to bait her more, I ask the class. “Can we agree that. Really, I know how to be insistent when I need to be. “This is Ass Training Week for Sheila,” I said. “And you, dear Matthew, are now my Anal Trainer.”* Once I made myself clear how serious I was, Matt quickly reverted to form just like I had hoped. That afternoon he dragged me off to a sex shop. I was grateful I hadn’t been wearing any kind of Nu-Rave ensemble that day, I didn’t want to come off to any needy patrons like an Amsterdam whore. My pleated plaid skirt was of fairly modest length; today the safety pins sufficed for edginess. Or that was the plan when I rolled out of bed anyway. I hadn’t expected to go trolling for kinky implements. Oh well: carpe diem! “Bitch, it’s time to enter the world of butt plugs. Or rather,” he added, cocking an eyebrow, “it is time for the world of butt plugs to enter you.” Shit God, I thought to myself, once I got a good encyclopedic view of all the ass toys on the market. I began to wonder what I was really getting myself into. Into me. How far.
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