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"She looked at me and asked, "How did you decide? How did you know?"I looked at my watch. We still have fifteen minutes. That's long enough. I said, "It was different for me. Something happened recently that freed me from being the person I thought I was. I didn't get to make a conscious decision to change. I was shown who I really am."I told her about that day in the park. I told her about the cameraman and the unexpected changes he brought about in me. I wasn't certain I could explain those changes. But I can see it in her eyes. I don't have to. She understands.She sat there looking back and forth between Carol and me for a long time before she said, "If I think about it, if I decide to ... you'll help me?"I nodded. But I added, "I want you to be certain. I have enough enemies in the world. Well, not really. I've always been more ignored than disliked. But I don't want to make any new enemies. I don't want you deciding you're making a big mistake and blaming me for luring you into. I know children go through their own grieving and sorting-out process and this is just part of it. But God it hurts when my children have taken sides against me.Wow, I never knew how the big "D", divorce, made people so uncomfortable, and their wish not to be around me. It is so unfair, as friendships I genuinely shared with my now ex-spouse just up and left me. The husbands all felt I would be a "bad influence" on their wives. I thought the days of the scarlet "A" were over, but friends that did not disappear, all seemed to take his side. When we split, I thought "my" people would go with me. I tried to surround myself with people who could see me for me, but it is hard, as all I seemed to attract were other cheating divorcees, or sleazy married men looking for a quick screw.I cannot believe how tight money is. Neither one of us were millionaires, and even with the child support my standard of living has really dropped. I had to sell the home I loved so much, and downsize to a.
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