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Help yourself to coffee, I won't be too long." Carlospoke haltingly, trying hard not to show the blind panic he felt inside.He was still in a state of shock, and wondering how on earth he was goingto get his hair back to 'normal' without washing it, as he scuttled off toCarol's bedroom to discard everything he had spent the previous half houror so putting on.Standing in front of the dresser, and looking at himself in the mirror ashe stooped to step out of the lycra dress and pull off his pretty mules,he was trying to think of a way to sort his back-combed and heavilylacquered hair."Well, look at you! You are really quite pretty, sweetie!"Carlo spun round, spun back again when he realised how much more he wasrevealing, and then stood still, his shoulders slumping as he tried togather his racing thoughts."You said you would stay in the lounge! Or the kitch.." he began,reproachfully.Again his protest was abruptly curtailed."Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. The thought of you. And, Chris, it's all right with me.I understand."I begin trembling a little at that as I can feel in my free fall, herreaching out and that she is now almost touching that something deepwithin me, something that I've kept hidden and secret all my life. It'sso tough, makes life so difficult to be this way, and tougher to be italone, and I can feel that some part of her is awfully near that spot,and it's warm and caring and wants to touch it, and take hold of it andembrace it and stop it from this free fall I'm in, and say, it's okay.And I am terrified.There is silence for a moment, as I am still not sure of what I reallywant, if this is the right thing, even with all she has been telling me.And I can see, feel that she wants me to grab on to her, trust in her,she'll pull me back. But to where?"Chris, it's okay. I'm here for you," she says in almost a whisper asshe takes my other hand in hers.I look deeply into her eyes, and then I say, "Jillian, I need to dosomething, I promise,.
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