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I waited around for an hour before giving up and walked out to the main road where I hitched a ride to the mall.My father’s mall. Seeing that TPC logo on the doors’ windows made my head spin for a moment. I knew I’d never be able to enter a mall again without looking for that logo.That mall felt alien to me for some reason. Everything I looked at there was filtered through this new lens of knowing my father owned it. I saw every speck of dirt, every burnt-out lightbulb, and when someone spilled their drink, I cringed like they had just spilled in in my living room.Cindy, of course, wasn’t there and I hadn’t expected to see her. But this was where a lot of the girls I had fantasized with over the summer had come from. I thought if the need was something I somehow had given them all and it just took time for it to ... manifest, I might see one of them there.Jillian, the senior who had a reputation for being a bit of a slut, was working in the food court that day. Popping into her head,. " But what?" If I get pregnant, it is not ok. You have to marry me, right?"And Noriko smiled.Finally, we broke up about one month later. I stopped contacting and Noriko also did not call me anymore. I believe Noriko did not get pregnant. I did not think she get abortion without telling me. Several years later, I happened to notice that I was rather excited on ugly girl than cute or beautiful girl. Of course I like cute and beautiful girks but was sexually excited more when I saw porn picture of ugly girls. I noticed I became ugly and fat girls maniac. I thought why, and found the experience with Noriko was the cause. It did not be my trauma but called my ugly maniac part. Not just for sex but also for love, I became ugly maniac. Actually, I fell in love with gorilla-like face elder woman seriously. And I have lived together with very fat ugly girl, thinking about marriage. Anyway, on both case, have broken up. After I became ugly maniac, I called Noriko once. Because I hoped.
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