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That’s all I will say for now.”I nodded in tired acquiescence. I could see one of two things happening. Either they would decide to swear me in as President, or they could decide to wait until they had proof that George Bush was dead, something that might take years, if it was even possible. If they chose Option Two, I was the lamest of lame duck Presidents, doomed before I even started. There was even the possibility they could make me live in the Vice President’s mansion until I was sworn in, making me an international laughingstock. “Fair enough.” I stood up. “Guys, I am going to get out of your hair. I’ll go talk to Rudy for a bit and then I’m heading back to D.C. You do your thing, and then get a room and get some sleep. You’re not going to help if you collapse from exhaustion.”They both nodded mutely, and we shook hands, and I left the room. An hour later I was flying back to Washington, accompanied by the Three Amigos. On the way, we talked to the Deputy Director of the FAA. I stagger outside and begin looking for a vendor. After a few minutes walk, I find a man selling chaat from a small stand in a local market. I eat something I don’t recognize and barely even taste, I’m so hungry. I feel like I’m not making an auspicious start to my spiritual journey, being so openly concerned with my empty belly, but I have to admit to myself that I don’t even know what I’m doing here. Sahara made it sound wonderfully romantic. She said that we would find wise and enlightened gurus who would enrich our spirit, helping us to shed the corrupt skin of the Western world so that we could be reborn as pure souls. We were both on LSD at the time, and it sounded magical. Now that I’m here, though, I don’t even know where to find a guru let alone what sort of ancient wisdom I’m actually looking for. I realize I just sort of expected them to be all over the place, dispensing wisdom and enlightenment like chaat. Instead, India feels a lot like London in a different language. I.
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