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.." Insults that had been festering in him for months began to bubble up from his guts and he had to make a conscious effort to stop himself, knowing he was going too far. The stricken look on Pam's face quickly sobered him, and he fell silent, but he knew both he and Pam were far past the point of no return. He had said things to her that no woman could for give. He felt an overwhelming urge to get out of the bedroom and out of their goddamn new dream-house. He wanted to go to the office and to its endless conspiracies and counter-conspiracies, a world he knew much better than this hopeless attempt to understand his beautiful but fucked-up wife.With a smothered curse he rolled off the bed and stalked into the bathroom. He barely took time to wash and shave, and when he came back into the bedroom, Pam was still lying where he had left her, staring blankly up at the ceiling. Thank God there are no tears, he told himself, but sensed it might have been less ominous if there were. Pam. "Is Toots really your name?" That's the woman from the hotel, whooffered to help me with my hair."Everybody calls her that," says Carla. Her surprise is clear in herinflections. "I don't even know what her real name is. How rubbish ofme."Her?"Would you mind going to the kitchen and asking them for a pot of tea,for three, please?" says the hotel woman."Sure, no problem," says Carla. Pleased to get away from me? Box is mybest friend. If I wanted anybody in here with me, it should be him.Though he'd be squirming and uncomfortable around real emotion."I'm sorry," I mumble. "Don't know what came over me." Shush," she admonishes gently. "My name's Hazel. It's my hotel. I'malways here to help my guests." I'm fine." The lie tastes so foul it brings more tears and I push myface into my knees, squashing impossible breasts. I'm shit. Too shit tohave beautiful hair."I have PTSD," I whisper to my legs, my breasts, my woman's body. Anapology? I've never said those words before, though the.
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