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Seeing him thrusting his penis into our helper in the back garden had broken the precious bonds that bound me to him and kept me away from other men. And, as you know, I lost my virginity to Ben, the taxi driver, soon afterwards. Although I was elated, I still tried to find a way back. I prayed for help. I went to confession (for the last time). The new parish priest, no more than 30, asking me all sorts of questions about what I'd done, where I'd touched him, where he'd touched me. But it was no use....talking about sex in the darkness and privacy of the confessional only arousing my desire still more. I now hungered for sex and the feeling of freedom and liberation it gave me. Now, just two months later, wherever I go the urge to have sex seems to dominate my thoughts. Even an everyday task like buying underwear has become an exercise in sexual arousal. Instead of just going into the mall and quickly buying a pair of "sensible" knickers, I now seem to find myself spending more and. She was about six years younger than me. I waseighteen and she eleven or twelve. I never even noticed her that summer. Shehad to have seen me, watched me, followed me! At five of three, I parked my car in the small lot adjacent to her office,and with sweat on my forehead and running down my back, I walked into the emptywaiting room, the receptionist the only other person there. ?Ah, Mr. Martin,? she smiled, ?I'm glad you could come back.? She handed meanother manilla envelope, and stood up, saying, ?excuse me for a moment, won'tyou?? I muttered something as I fell back into one of the chairs and opened theenvelope. I pulled out the sheet of paper, and read it: ?If you are reading this right now, congratulations! You made the right choice.If not, my secretary is on her way to the post office with a copy of the tape. ?You will do whatever Marie instructs you to do, and you will do it quicklyand without pause or question. If you do not, she will mail the tape anyway. ?I look forward to.
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