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I was looking at her closely, mentally comparing the two very attractive women from a very different time. ‘I know this is going to sound corny … or maybe phony, but … you resemble a movie star I’ve always admired.’ ‘Oh, Stan. Is that the best you can do? Me … look like a movie star? I don’t think so,’ she laughed. ‘No … really. Her name is … was … Katy Jurado. She was in a lot of westerns … even High Noon. She almost always played a Mexican woman … I guess because she was Mexican. She looked so completely different from all the other actresses. Like you, she had beautiful eyes. I had a crush on her when I was a kid. I loved western movies and I would never miss one on TV if she was in it. Anyway, they haven’t made any westerns in a long time, so I collect all the old ones on DVD and watch them at home.’ She laughed again. ‘I’ll have to look this Katy person up on the Internet. Maybe I could be a star if they ever bring back cowboy movies again.’ ‘That’s not beyond the realm of. But the fact is it came to thepoint where I hardly ever saw her anymore. Maybe we'd get together once ortwice a month. Maybe we'd spend an hour or so together at some restaurant.The other 95% of the time, I was by myself, living a false life, pretendingto be someone I wasn't. For who? It would have been hard enough if I weredoing it for Phoebe's benefit. But was she really getting that much out ofthat ninety minutes a month that it warranted me sacrificing my whole life?Parents make sacrifices for their children, that's nothing special. But tosacrifice yourself for nothing at all. That's just stupid. I'd sit thereweekend after weekend alone after she'd canceled another visit wondering forwhat and for whom I was even living." It's difficult to make your life mean anything to anyone else when it meansnothing to you."Marcia flashed back to the darkest of those dark days. Without realizing it,she had folded her arms protectively against her body. It was as if agraveyard wind had blown in.
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